I'm here, but I'm not here

I'm here, but I'm not here 

(8/19/15) 

As I drift away into my own thoughts 

Voices get farther away 

Once more trapped within my own mind 

Unaware of my surroundings 

The world around goes on without me 

 As conversations continue unhindered by my absence 

In my head is nothing but silence 

Then my thoughts begin to penetrate the fog 

In my mind I am alone 

Don't try to talk to me 'cause I won't hear you 

I'm somewhere else now even if you still see me 

Lost within myself 

Consumed by my own thoughts 

So far away 

Only half aware when you say my name 

I'm daydreaming yet it's unclear 

As I sit here thinking 

I'm here, but I'm not here 

~Shawna K. Whaley 

Don't Look

Don't Look
(7-13-17)

If eyes are the windows to the soul then do not look into mine
The things you'd see aren't meant to be seen
The pain I hide is mine alone
The fears I fear are not for you to know

You look at me and I look away
Too afraid to show you what's inside
If you knew the thoughts I think you'd run from me
I'm broken, damaged, beyond repair

I can't show you how broken I am
You can't see the darkness inside of me
I'm screaming but you can't hear
I'm cut off and so very alone

There's no one here that wants me around
I'm just one person in a sea of many
Used, abused, mistreated and then thrown away
Left to pick up the pieces on my own

There's a struggle inside my soul
It's mine alone I will not share
Put on a smile but won't look you in the eye
If eyes are the windows to the soul then look away from mine

~Shawna K. Whaley

Don't Look To Me For Answers

Don't Look To Me For Answers
(7-13-17)

Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me for clues
Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me for that
Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me just yet

I'm just as broken as you are, but in my own way
I'm still battling my own demons, still fighting through to live
I'm still picking up my own pieces, still gluing them back together

Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me for clues
Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me for that
Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me just yet

I'll do my best to help you, I'll do my best to get you through
I'll give my all to you, I want to help you though your pain
I'll put your pain before my own, but sometimes my thoughts go flat

Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me for clues
Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me for that
Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me just yet

But sometimes I won't answer, sometimes I just don't know what to say
This nothing that's inside me, it makes it hard to give
The darkness can be consuming, it's hard to fight my way through

Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me for clues
Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me for that
Don't look to me for answers, Don't look to me just yet

I'm just as broken as you are, but I'll do the best I can
I'll help you pick up your pieces, I hate to see your pain
But don't look to me for answers, I swear I have none

~Shawna K. Whaley

The Gift of You

The Gift of You

(4/20/17)

{For Taye}

I didn’t know you as a baby

I didn’t get to be there to watch your first steps

You were not mine

I was not yours

I didn’t know you as a small child

I didn’t get to be there as you ran and played

You were not mine

I was not yours

I didn’t know you as a little girl

I didn’t get to be there for your first day of school

You were not mine

I was not yours

From your very first message I felt a connection

I got to be there when you needed me most

You became mine

I became yours

You were not born my child

That doesn’t mean that you are not

You are mine

I am yours

I look forward to knowing you and watching you grow

I love you more than I can say

I am grateful to God

For the Gift of You

~Shawna K. Whaley